The LuLac Edition #1237, July 14th, 2010

PHOTO INDEX: "WRITE ON WEDNESDAY" LOGO

YANKEE GREATS

The storied baseball franchise, the New York Yankees have had many colorful people off the field as well as on it. Think Mel Allen for one. This week Bob Shepard died at the ge of 99. A few days later, George Steinbrenner. Our first effort is a poem written by an overseas fan in memory of Shepherd and our second article is a take on the fictional character, Big Stein, based on George Steinbrenner in the hit show "Seinfeld".

R.I.P. BOB SHEPHERD

The 'voice of God 'is silenced-
He's reached this Journey's end.N
Now he's with Mel Allenin Yankee legend land.
Oh we will still hear Sheppard's voice
when we enter at the gate
and he's still announcing Derek
when he steps up to the plate.
But though your fine voice resonates
Through the new park’s hallowed halls
It’s only a faint echoof what you meant to all.
The old park's walls have fallenb
eneath the wrecking ball
and now the legends follow
til' we've nothing left at all.
John F. McCullagh
After serving 30 years' in her Majesty's secret service, the poet have retired to Flushing, France to become a scribbler of poems.

BIG STEIN PASSES

George Steinbrenner died on Tuesday of a massive heart attack. Some of you might be asking “Who?” But I think it’s safe to assume that most of you know who he is thanks to his star turning role on the popular sitcom Seinfeld. But there was much more to George Steinbrenner than just a crazed man who liked to scream at George Costanza all day. Behind the scenes, things were much more colorful. Not much is known about Steinbrenner before he landed his coveted role on Seinfeld. All that we have is a hazy picture of a young man struggling with his demons, fighting tax evasion charges and also Nicaraguan rebels as a mercenary for Manuel Noriega in the 1980’s. Apparently, Steinbrenner managed to land his infamous role when he showed up for an audition following a night out fueled by sex and drugs. His eyes wild, he burst into the room, began screaming at producer Larry David and then attempted to shave Michael Richards head, because in his own words “the sonuvabitch looks sloppy!”
Impressed with his energy, David gave Steinbrenner the part and thus began a rollercoaster ride that nearly cost the man his freedom and his life. On screen, Steinbrenner’s character became more and more popular but off screen the only way he could manage to cope with his newfound fame was to escape into the seedy world of male nude modeling. Wearing a black leather mask, Steinbrenner would use this opportunity to act out his wildest fantasies, letting go of some of the pain and fear which had followed him throughout his life. This all came to a crashing halt when the photographer, an Armenian immigrant who spoke little English, attempted to blackmail Steinbrenner. Enraged, Steinbrenner attacked the man, destroying his camera – the man’s only possession – and then strangling him with his camera strap. The photographer spent six weeks in the hospital and Steinbrenner was accused of a heinous hate crime. He was later acquitted in a blockbuster trial thanks to the wizardry of attorney Jackie Chiles, but the whole affair would haunt Steinbrenner for the rest of his life. Following his acquittal, Steinbrenner threw himself more heavily into his work. Spending long hours on set gave him a chance to get to know co-star Julia Louis-Dreyfus better, and after a whirlwind romance, the two were married in a small civil service attended only by Chiles and a hooker the two had convinced to serve as a witness in exchange for five dollars and half a taco. Their marriage was an explosive one, tabloid fodder that once again brought Steinbrenner unwanted attention. Perhaps most famous of all was the famous Times Square incident in 1993, which saw Steinbrenner picked up by the NYPD, wearing a dress and calling himself Georgette. At a tearful press conference, Steinbrenner apologized and announced that he was entering rehab. His wife, Ms. Louis- Dreyfus, remained by his side and told the world that she would stand by him no matter what. However, it was only a year later that Louis-Dreyfus filed for divorce amid rampant rumors of infidelity and spousal abuse. Steinbrenner, for his part, remained quiet on advice from Chiles, but this only backfired on him, as the site of a tearful Louis-Dreyfus on late night talk shows instantly brought her massive public sympathy and made Steinbrenner the villain in the sordid affair. The situation came to a head in 1996, when David was forced to fire Steinbrenner after Louis-Dreyfus obtained a restraining order which mandated that Steinbrenner remain 500 feet from her at all times. It was a severe blow to both the show, which was canceled only two years later and to Steinbrenner, who spent the rest of his life trying to unsuccessfully recapture the glory of his television stardom. Oh, and also, George Steinbrenner was the owner of the New York Yankees.
Neil Brulson writes for the website, http://www.heavy.com/comedy/celebrities.