Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The LuLac Edition #1906, January 18th, 2012

Our "Write On Wednesday" logo.

Featured players Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Ron Paul, Rick Santorum and Rick Perry.

Co-starring Joe Biden, B. Obama and J. Huntsman.



I don’t know how many thoughts of Mrs. Lulac find their way on to these pages. We have great conversations and are at that stage in our marriage where we not only finish each other’s sentences but are now thinking the same thing about a particular subject at the very same moment. But this article on “Write On Wednesday” is truly Mrs. LuLac’s own. She started to tell me about it on Saturday night as we drove home from church but I stopped her cold and recommended she contribute it to “Write On Wednesday”. At least that way she’ll get credit for something on this site. So here is her take on the GOP 2012 Presidential field and how it relates to a classic Cold War movie.
This Presidential Primary Season strikes me as being more picturesque than most. We have had two Mormons and two Catholics on the Republican side, which is a bit strange. The in-fighting and finger-pointing have been impressive. So, too, has one candidate’s extreme reluctance to release financial information that might show he isn’t so “shucks, I’m just a regular guy” as he would like us to believe. Yes, it’s been strange and I love it.
Strange. Love. Here’s a thought: These characters are right out of Central Casting. Suppose someone decided to re-make the 1964 satirical black comedy, Doctor Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb. It wouldn’t take much imagination to assign candidates to the major roles. So, with apologies to Stanley Kubrick and Columbia Pictures, here’s my dream cast for the new version.
Mitt Romney as Merkin Muffley, the American President who appears calm in a sea of madness, but who is completely ineffective in solving the ultimate crisis.

Newt Gingrich as Dr. Strangelove, the wheelchair-bound nuclear scientist and former Nazi who is apparently not quite in control of his right hand or his anger.
Jon Huntsman as Captain Lionel Mandrake, a British exchange officer who discovers the plot to destroy the Soviet Union and annihilate the world, but is powerless to stop it.
Ron Paul as General Buck Turgidson, a slightly off center Patriot who cannot bring himself to trust the Russian Ambassador.
Michele Bachmann as Miss Scott, General Turgidson’s secretary and “special friend”.
Rick Perry as Brigadier General Jack D. Ripper, a rabidly paranoid Patriot who sets the End Game in motion to preserve our essential bodily fluids.
Rick Santorum as Major T. J. Kong, the B52 commander and pilot who famously rides his nuclear missile to the ground despite the best efforts of the President to persuade him that the order for self-destruction was bogus.

Rounding out the cast as the Pinko Commies are Joe Biden as Soviet Ambassador Alexei de Sadeski and Barack Obama as Soviet Premier Dmitri Kissoff.
It’ll be a blockbuster!
Disclaimer: Casting Mitt Romney as President is in no way meant to be taken as an endorsement of or prediction for his success.

Mrs. LuLac is a multi year professional in the NEPA Pennsylvania Library system. Mrs. LuLac by writing this article in no way promotes Communism or any derivative thereof. She has been a great help to me since I started this little project and has been the technical success behind any new innovation you see here. We are closing in on 3 decades of marriage and I'd be in the gutter without her.


At 12:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

and she writes well too!

Personally I like the characters and the actors in the movie better
than this bunch, but some sure do fit in well. Maybe the whole thing is satire.

Carey Avenue Jack

At 1:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What was that about "all the world's a stage etc?"

Mrs LuLac's command of the pen and use of her memory so far exceeds my own humble and poor abilities that I would feign laryngitis rather than discuss world events with her. With you on the other hand I seem to find comfort at lunch.

At 6:41 AM, Anonymous Professor Milburn Cleaver, OPA said...

I have been accused by some of you of sabotaging MR. Yonki's blog. This is not true, however, in this instance I must address an issue that is NOT the subject of Mr. Yonki's (or in this case Mrs. Yonki's--and she did an excellent presentation--but for mis-naming Gov. Romney for his late father, George although I shall credit that to a typo) on her paper.
The business of this classroom goes forward:
Now, in regard to the youngster who "FACEBOOK'D" me:
Young man, Facebook is nothing short of a platform for slackers and losers who have nothing more to do with their mundane existence than to post boring "facts" about themselves of which no one else cares about.
I suggest that any Facebook user read the great James Thurber story "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty". Though I doubt that any of you malcontents have ever heard of Mr. Thurber, the story will give you the answer to the question as to why I, a self made man who "has" a life, hobbies and varied interests of merit, has no time to daydream in a world of self import--aka--posting on Facebook. For those of you who shall not research the story, my point is if Walter Mitty's character existed in today's world he would be the king of Facebook.
I do appreciate the fact that you actually did some research however. So, I give you kudos for your efforts but an F for your output---coming to a final grade of D-.
I do, however urge all of you to do your google searches and attain my past lectures which go back many years.
I suggest you read my 2008 election coverage and tell me that my predictions were not correct. I understand that youngsters get upset when they are faced with harsh truths but as your mother once told you, "this will hurt me more than it hurts you."
Contrary to your beliefs, my presence over this class is NOT to offend you, insult or degrade you, but to make you upstanding and valid members of society. In other words, taxpayers instead of tax-eaters (and a low tax at that after next year).
And I do also hope that you put down the Budweiser and video games, drugs and pick up the books.
It will make my job easier.
Something to think about this morning.
Class Dismissed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At 8:35 AM, Blogger David Yonki said...

Mrs. Yonki's--and she did an excellent presentation--but for mis-naming Gov. Romney for his late father, George although I shall credit that to a typo) on her paper.

At 9:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "The LuLac Edition #1906, January 18th, 2012":

Walter Mitty all right! I read it
about 50 years ago and think it might well be your own story! Look prof, all we are asking is a simple explanation of what OPA stands for and you cant deliver on that for the "stupid" readers or Mr Yonki! Stop grading others and look to yourself. You found a typo! Big ****in deal. You are ruining a good sheet for others but your selfishness and arrogance are a good example of your character made up or real! Play nice and share. Dont dominate. Now get back to your mop! Romney will last longer than his dad but in the end with no more success.OPA prof! Answer the question. You are an obvious fraud, like Romney but not as rich or smart. Easy strokes, prof, left to right, back and forth...

At 10:19 AM, Anonymous Professor Milburn Cleaver, OPA said...

Anon: 9:56:
Young man, it seems to me that in view of your "about 50 years ago" sarcasm (or attempt at thereof) concerning a great short story that you are one of those who believes that the world did not exist before you were born.
I apologize if Mr. Thurber's works are not up there with the latest issue of Tattoo Magazine or Hot Chicks on Bikes, but such is the drain in which our society is going quickly downwards.
Insults will get you nowhere. GOv. Romney has been hit (sadly) with many below the belt comments from many in the liberal press and yet, he stands tall; with grace, tenacity, vigor and vision.
Qualities it would do you well to attain (or at least, attempt to). I do not wish to ruin your day of frolick at the local pub reading the back issues of some liberal scribe. Still, I will state the following:
PLease cease on the insults (and the hallucinatory confections) when you retort and hit the books. And my lad, as far as OPA is concerned, again, do your research. In due course you will have your reply. Patience is a virtue.
You will be all the better for it.
Class Dismissed!!!!!!!!!!

At 11:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, now, let's see: there was the Professor on that island with maryann and ginger. There was the notoriously cheap banker, Milburn Drysdale in Beverly Hills and there was the entire Cleaver family in whatever town they called home. OPA? I have heard this word used in Greece as an exclamation. Perhaps the Greek "haina". So we have Professor Milburn Cleaver OPA. It's a gag persona. And yes, I do realize it makes some readers gag, but neverhteless . . . .

At 12:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's the big deal on the Professors name? Most of the comments are stage names. Who really --apart from Yonk himself--gives his/her real name?
Why should the Prof have to?

At 12:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No, Jackass, I was serious. I read it about 50 years ago and even remember the Danny Kaye movie! Due research my ass. By the way I apppreciate the sarcastic comment but I am 65 years of age. You aint the only one with any life experience! As to my reading, come see my library some time and you might be surprised by the quantity and quality. Thurber's humor is where it now belongs, on the back pages! Dated and not funny anymore. Dont insult, prof. It just pisses people off! And dont assume I am a liberal because I dont agree with you! Now I have to go back to work at the business I have owned for 25 years where I think you might be a customer.

At 12:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Professor seems to have a sharp mind, a sense of history and literature. I think he's the real thing--the tag line Cleaver is in question.

At 1:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good Work, Mrs Lulac. I enjoyed your humor and insight. The whole GOP cavalcade of stars is far fetched thats for sure and the demeanor of the candidates welcomes a satirical look! Its the best show on TV, its the worst show on TV!

Pete Cassidy

At 2:36 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As James Thurber said,
It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.

and with your own sword, prof!

Waverly Bob

At 3:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Again, the Prof. lets out all the steam and desire to read LuLac. Too bad, now ... he's not even keeping to the subject matter at hand. Apparently Yonk is giving this blowhard his own forum, thus alienating LuLac's loyal readers. I salute the Mrs. and congratulate her on her fine pen.

At 5:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Facebook analysis is point on. It is the natural extension of the phoney self-esteem movement that has infected our schools, sports and society.

You are "endowed" with self esteem rather than own it so why not "create" a facade for your life? Not true? Who's gonna challenge you (or your opinion).

"My cat looks sad." Who the #$%^ cares!?
Jason in the next cubicle is hot! Again, who the #$%^ cares!?
I'm going to Throup and ....!

MySpace? Facebook? Good for business.

I don't need you to "friend me" or "like me". I'm not even "linkedin".

And I don't need a phone that's smarter than me. I got a Mrs. LuLac for that.

At 6:04 AM, Anonymous Professor Milburn Cleaver, OPA said...

Anon: "Thurber's humor is now where it belongs, on the back pages."
Young man, (and your lack of writing talent attempt to fictionalize yourself as 65 years of age "does" belong on the back pages), I would assumed you would also apply that opine to Beethoven, Whitman, Dickens and Stravinsky.
From grading so many papers of your generation's writing style and the hypocricy contained therin, I can only assume that you google searched Walter Mitty and probably never heard of either Thurber or Danny Kaye until you left class following yesterdays lecture.
PLease, read a book instead of IMBD or Wikipedia. But if you do watch a film, catch "Lawrence of Arabia" or "Spartacus" and forego your daily dose of Will Ferrell or Adam Sandler.
Class Dismissed!!!!!

At 2:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

10/10/46 Prof. Do the math. As usual you are wrong. Go away, three posta a day is way over the top!


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