Wednesday, July 15, 2015

The LuLac Editon #2993, July 15th, 2015


Our "Write On Wednesday" logo.

Jason Sutton and your bog editor. (Photo: JM Gauvreau).
This week a team member of mine resigned his job and decided to move on to better things. Jason Sutton decided to say goodbye in an unusual and creative way that made people laugh and give appreciative nods to his professionalism and creativity at Cmpbell’s Telerx. No sappy maudlin goodbyes or slap stick farewells for this guy. Check out his final "see ya."

Subject: Choose My Own Adventure - A Fond Farewell

Good morning, Team,

As many of you are aware, and some of you are not, today is my last day at Telerx. I’m not so good at the whole “You’ve all taught me so much about being a human being” or “I hope I’ve touched your souls as much as you’ve touched mine,” so instead I’ll let you choose my own adventure. To quell the rumors of my amicable departure, I am leaving because:
A: An illegal Japanese Whaling vessel was spotted off the coast of Taiwan. I’ve lived a life of indifference and over consumption with no regard to sustainability. I had a vision two weeks ago of a Whale-God, wreathed in flame and wielding a righteous sword, trapped beneath the deck of said vessel, and I now know my time has come to be a player in the world of guerrilla activism. With my banked Telerx wages, I have purchased a tricked out schooner and hired a team of the rip roaringest, rapscallionest ne’er-do-wells this world has ever seen. We are going to free the whales.
B: A new and exciting full-time position was offered to me at my part-time job whereby I’ll be tackling daily supervisory roles and leveraging everything I’ve learned and honed here to build and maintain a floor team. New and exciting, not bigger and better: I thrive on those first few weeks when I have to learn everything completely new and hope to excel in this new capacity as well.
C: While I was shopping at the mall, Kathy Ireland happened across me while I was looking through the used video games at FYE. She began to speak of my cheek bones and overall bone structure. I said “Hey… I’m flattered and all, but I’m not on the menu.” She reached into her briefcase and produced a modeling contract. “Sure, it’s only a billboard for a local car dealership today,” she said as she put a ballpoint pen in my hand, “but tomorrow it could be Vogue, or GQ or even Pla-“ Overcome by excitement, I signed the dotted line before she could finish. I’m taking a flight out to Lansing, Michigan tomorrow to begin my new life as a Used Car Dealership model.
D: While I was eating my bacon and eggs and trying not to get in trouble with Uncle Vernon and Dudders, an Owl appeared and dropped a letter through the fireplace. I was able to deftly grab this letter before either Uncle Vernon or Dudley noticed it, and stole it away to my room. With the piggy sounds of Dudley snorting up Bangers and Mash and eating my bacon before it got cold, I beheld the wax sealed envelope. It was addressed to Jason Sutton, Campbell’s Call Floor, Cupboard Under the Stairs. I ripped the envelope open and my eyes blazed across what was written. “YER A WIZARD, JASON!!!!!!” On Monday, I’m taking Platform 9 ¾ s at King’s Crossing to buy my first cauldron and robe.
E: I’ve been working undercover for a syndicate of Call Center police and I got in too deep. This character of Jason Sutton became less and less a character and more like my identity. I lost the true part of me, Harlan Francisco Dakota DelRay, and my chief is pulling me off the case. But I swear: all the feelings I had, everything I told you, was the truth.
F: All of the Above

I appreciate the support and kindness all of you have shown throughout my year on this team. I wish you all the best because you all deserve the best.


Harlan Francisco Dakota DelRay


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